Showing posts with label pet loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pet loss. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 4, 2022

Pet Loss: How to Cope

 How To Cope With Pet Loss

Courtesy of Life's Abundance Blog 4/25/22


beautiful cat

How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” – Winnie the Pooh


Our pets are more to us than, well, “just” pets. They are loyal companions, joyful playmates, and reliable confidantes. They are members of our families who leave permanent marks on our hearts. But with all the love and snuggles inevitably comes the hardest part of pet ownership – loss.


Losing a pet is painful. There’s no way around it. Everyone who’s been through it knows what it’s like to have an animal shaped hole in their heart for the pets who’ve gone before them. And while there’s no way to circumvent the grief and sadness that comes from the death of an animal, there are some things you can do to help get yourself to the other side.


Acknowledge your loss

Before you can move forward, you need to acknowledge the loss you have suffered. Give yourself time to sit with your grief and try to absorb and comes to terms with what has happened. It’s important to know that there is no timeline, no “correct way,” to handle saying goodbye to a furry family member. The process looks different for everyone. Whatever it looks like for you, be patient, kind, and gentle with yourself.


Talk it out

For many, talking about their fallen four-legged loved one is an important part of the healing process. Whether this means confiding in a family member or close friend, reaching out to a support group, or even writing it out in a journal, talking about, saying the name of, and remembering your sweet pet can help you work through feelings, and ease some of the pain.



older golden retriever dog


Find closure, ceremonially

While this may not be for everyone, many pet owners find comfort in saying goodbye through some sort of ceremonial practice. This can be as simple as lighting a candle and silently sending good thoughts to your deceased pet, or as elaborate as a full-blown memorial service. Regardless of the structure, a ceremony can be helpful in closing this chapter on you and your pet’s relationship and transitioning to one where they live in your heart, rather than by your side.


Memorialize their life

It may be comforting to find some way to memorialize your dear furry friend. This will look different for everyone but could include planting a tree in your pet’s honor, painting a picture of them, donating in their name, creating a scrapbook of your time together, or reserving a special place in your home to dedicate to their memory. This gives you and the others grieving your pet a concrete place to feel connected to them and their legacy.


Pay it forward

No matter the species, breed, or temperament, our pets all have one thing in common – they make our lives better. Sometimes, the best way to remember and honor them is to take a page out of their book. Reach out and help others. Volunteer at an animal shelter or senior center. Help a neighbor in need. Reach out to friends who are coping with their own losses. Brighten someone’s day, and as you do, remember how your cherished pet brightened yours. Volunteering and helping others gives you a place to channel anxious energy, occupies your mind, and helps you form new connections, all while improving the life of another. If our departed pets could tell us what they wished for us, we have to imagine this would be part of it.


Losing a pet is never easy. When they cross the rainbow bridge, we are left to navigate through grief, loss, and sadness. While the pain will never truly go away, eventually you will be able to look back on your lives together, appreciate the joy and love, and know that your memories will keep them forever alive in your heart.

If you found this interesting, check out these related stories:

Ways To Memorialize Your Pet Kid

Successful Aging - Mobility Wellness

Saturday, April 20, 2019

Rainbow Bridge

I am posting because I realized recently not all pet parents knew about this amazing poem!


Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

rainbow bridge
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

— Author unknown



Monday, August 29, 2016

Pet Loss: - A Family Guide

From the August 2016 Life's Abundance Newsletter:

As a veterinarian, a person regularly tasked with the sacred duty of helping beloved family members pass over the Rainbow Bridge, you might think that I had lots of training in vet school about how to help people during such a challenging time. To be honest, I didn’t. Almost none, in fact, which is a shame.

Oftentimes, the death of a pet is the first major loss experienced by a person, especially children. We know now that for many people, the pain and grief of losing a pet is as profound as the death of a person, yet people are often expected to carry on the next day as if nothing has happened. Openly discussing grief makes others uncomfortable, mostly because they don’t know what to say.

Because of this, we are often ill-prepared for helping people navigate the complicated maze that is grief. After working in pet hospice for several years, I have a better understanding than ever before about how profound this experience is for people, as well as how often they are pretty much left to figure things out on their own. There is much we can do as a veterinary community to better prepare families for the death of a pet, and also much that pet parents can do as well.

How To Talk to Kids

How many of us grew up with parents who said, “Oh, Fluffy ran away”? For many years this was the accepted way of dealing with a pet’s death: Denial. Not only does this deprive children of the opportunity to mourn, many kids (myself included!) felt a deep sense of betrayal when we got older and realized our parents deceived us. Although it comes from a loving place, it’s always best to be honest with our little ones.

1. Be Direct. Children do not understand euphemisms such as “put to sleep”. Children under five may not understand that death is permanent. It is normal for them to repeatedly ask when their pet is coming back, even after you have told them that a beloved companion animal has died.

2. Be Reassuring. It is natural for death to cause anxiety in children, and they may even experience nightmares. By reassuring them and being there for them, children know that they can trust in their family even during sad times.

3. Allow Them to Be Present. Depending on your own comfort level, of course, I strongly believe that children benefit from being present during the euthanasia process. I find children to be curious, accepting and often a very big comfort to their grieving parents! It is healthy for them to see how peaceful the dying process can be, rather than relying on their active imaginations to fill in scary details.

4. Allow Them To Grieve. There are so many ways children can express themselves during the grieving process: talking, drawing pictures, having a ceremony. In our house we had a Celebration of Life for our dog, complete with a poem my daughter wrote. I know of other families who hold goldfish funerals. It’s good for kids to know that memories and love do not end when the body is gone.

How to Deal With Other Pets

For a long time, I was ambivalent about whether or not other pets in the family needed to be present when a pet passed. After all, most of the times I helped with a euthanasia, it was in the veterinary clinic. All of that changed when I started going to people’s homes and experiencing the death process with the entire family.

Dogs and cats understand death. Perhaps we tell ourselves this based on intuition, but having seen it firsthand I truly believe it. I have seen feisty dogs full of energy calm down and curl up next to their dog brother or sister after they have gone; cats may wander in for just a moment and wander off, but they still take note. Either way, they seem to be able to sense the change that has taken place, some moment imperceptible to us. Just like children are confused when a pet suddenly disappears, there’s no reason to think our fur kids are any different.

How Grief Affects You

Make no mistake, the loss of a pet is a terrible thing. There is no need to minimize that sadness or try to push it aside; deep sadness reflects the depth of your love. You need to allow yourself the time to mourn the loss of your friend, the loss of what they brought to your family, and the time in your life that they signified.

1. Be gentle on yourself. If you find yourself surrounded by people who say unhelpful things like, “It was only a dog! You can get another one,” or some other inconsiderate things, find new people to talk to! Many areas offer pet loss support groups; if those are not available, you can talk to one of many pet loss support hotlines or even jump on the daily internet Pet Loss Support Chats run by the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement.

2. Know That There is No Timeline. Some people grieve for months or even years. Don’t let anyone tell you it is “time” to get over your loss.

3. Read Up On Pet Loss. One of my favorite pet loss resources for pet parents is “The Loss of a Pet” by Wallace Sife. This excellent book details the process of grief, specifically with pets, and also helps readers identify when grief is such that a professional counselor might be helpful.

4. Be a Good Friend. When a friend says goodbye to a beloved pet, remember how it felt for you and offer a kind word, a good memory and a big hug. Even if they say, “I’m OK!” it is often because this is what everyone expects them to say, and a compassionate ear can mean so very much.

It may sound strange to say this, but memorializing a loved one can be a truly life affirming moment. It teaches children (and ourselves!) that what is gone is not forgotten, that death is sad but it doesn’t have to be scary, and that we can get through anything when we support each other. The lessons we learn by saying goodbye to our fur kids carries over to other losses in our life, and helps us process grief in a healthy way so that we can move to a place where we are able to remember our loved ones with peace and joy.



Dr. V